Tuesday, February 22, 2011


Director:  Franklin Guerrero Jr.
Writer:  Franklin Guerrero Jr.
Starring:  Natasha Malinsky, Erik Fones and Matt Carmody
From IMDB:
"Based on a true story, Carver depicts the real life events of five 20-something's that went camping in the mountain town of Halcyon Ridge and never returned."
Ugh - two minutes in and it's clear this another movie shot by my dad on his camcorder.
Based on a true story?  Mmm?  I suspect they will be stretching things a bit to keep any truth to that.
So the guy meets some hot chick out in the middle of no where and his friends essentially do everything they can to torpedo his shot at her.  "He's got herpes!!!  Hahahaha!"  In my experience a wing men with moves like that would very quickly be marginalized and ridiculed - if not beaten sensless. 
Then they decide to steal the guys stuff (films) - and I'm suppose to feel badly for these douche bags when they start dying.
The sound in this bitch is awful.
So no one believes him when he says he found the kill spot - even when he backed it up with a bloody tooth?  Nothing
And that asshole in the cowboy hat - I sure hope he finds the business end of a saw soon.  No one would hang with such a dink - except the bitch who likes to flirt with red necks.  They're a good couple.
An outhouse with running water is not an outhouse - it's an outdoor toilet.
And he sat on the toilet - with no toilet paper?  Not likely. 
Well - I got my wish, he's the first to go - and, I must confess - that was a bad way to die.
They're going back in the middle of the night to return the snuff film?  Gee, what could go wrong with that idea?
So the flirt has a lethal pitch fork for a weapon.  Will she even get a chance to use it?  I'm going to bet - no.
I win. 
Man these guys are so completely ineffective and dense I want them to all die.
Clearly the writer/director didn't feel self preservation was really all that motivating a factor.
Who was the stunt killer?
She's got the gun - and she actually shot him!  Wow - I'm going to increase my Bloody Eye count just for that.
WTF - she kills herself?  No body does that in a horror movie!!  Now I may have to take away the aforementioned increase.
A drywall saw through the skull - could happen but it'd be tough.
And wasn't the chick who killed herself seen in an earlier movie - wasn't that suppose to be the twist?  What did I miss there?
The log line stated that the kids were never seen again - so I guess we all knew how it was going to end.  Why do they give up the ending like that?  It worked for Blair Witch - but that was a unique case.
Oh I see - he's been so damaged by all this he's going to sit down with a smoke and watch footage of the old kills.
There's the girl killing someone?!?
What a shocking twist for an ending!
People out there seemed like this movie WAY more than I did.
I'm going to give this a 1 Bloody Eyes out of 5.  It was close to being my first 1/2 Bloody Eye.  It got the full because of a few imaginative kills and a somewhat sincere effort that came through - but these characters were just too stupid to care about. 

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