Thursday, February 3, 2011

Swarmed

2005 made for cable.
 
Directed by: Paul Ziller
Written by: Miguel Tejada-Flores
Starring: Michael Shanks, Carol Alt and Tim Thomerson
 
 
 
From IMDB:
"The residents of a small town find themselves battling a swarm of wasps which has been sprayed by a super pesticide."
 
The first death is unlikely looking janitor who accidently releases the bees.  Standard. 
The coroner, who looks like Glen Beck the later years, come to the table eating.  Ridiculous. 
In fact throughout this movie is seems everyone who enters a room is eating or drinking and it looks out of place.
Such a tender moment when the bug guy realizes the super model college professor is also a bug girl.  They both stare down at their shoes for a moment.  Auuuh!
 
Alright - so we have the killer bees on the loose and on the day before the big weekend hamburger cook-off.  Just like the July 4th weekend at Amity Island.
While this is no Jaws the pacing is okay and I was kept engaged.
Amazing how many movie morons think an actor is bad because a movie is bad.
Well, in this case - there's a healthy dose of bad acting going on.
Carol Alt isn't a great thespian but I saw her get "closest to the hole" in a celebrity golf match one time in Malibu.
Booth Savage is just too Canadian.
Tim Thomerson can phone these roles in and still be believable.
 
There's lots of dialogue worthy of a Saturday morning cartoon. 
"We have to find this guy.  He's our only link to the mutated wasps."
"If the swarm comes here - it's going to be really really bad."
Sting on the eyeball wasn't too bad.
 
This movie is too Canadian.  From the sets to the wardrobe.
 
So to destroy the bees nest Q has a huge crushing machine that moves just a little quicker than the tectonic plates.
Then he stabs himself in the leg with adrenalin and clearly there is no needle in the prop.
Going after a bee with a 100 year old shotgun?  What is this Elmer Fudd and the Loony Toons!
One thing I enjoyed - was how quickly stupidity was rewarded with pain.  I'm always impatient to see that and this movie delivered it in spades.   Within a minute or two of some some Official insisting the everything was going to be okay they found themselves dying painfully.  Gotta like that.
Not sure what the motivation for the TV lady to lock Washburn out of the car was.  There clearly was plenty of time for them both to get in.
And here's a geek moment for me - the hose Washburn was breathing from while submerged in the dunk tank was WAY too long for expelled air to get out and fresh air to get in, but who cares.
Why does Q (and why does he have such a ridiculous name) stand in the garage after luring the bees in?  There appears no reason other than the director yelling - "Wait for it!  Wait for it!!"
Stupid. 
 
Oh well, another one on the loser end of the scale but really it was watchable.  It moved along okay and even though the Canadian in it shown through brighter than the Northern Lights, who cares, eh?
 
2 Bloody Eyes out of 5
 

No comments:

Post a Comment