Thursday, February 3, 2011

UKM: Ultimate Killing Machine

Directed by:  David Mitchell
Written by:  Tyler Levine, Ted McGregor
Starring:   Michael Madsen

This trailer has Dutch subtitles.  It doesn't help.

From IMDB:
"Waylon and Buddy decide to join the army as it appears to be their best option. But when they realize that they are part of a group that have been thrown into a medical experiment facility with a doctor who plans on turning them into ultimate killing machines, they must fight to destroy his other creations and save themselves."

Let me say up front this will likely be my worst blog to date on my movie experiences.  Not because of the movie (though it was insanely shitty) but because I'm in a shitty mood.

So, from what I could gather here, the army is injecting folks with a green serum (why is it always green?) and they become super soldiers.  The problem - shockingly, is they don't seem to mind who they kill, thus making them somewhat awkward to work with - OH - and it make them crazy horny as well.   What to do?  They gather up a small group of losers and inject them with a smaller dosage - though a few get the "full milkshake".  The crazy horny side effect allows for the film makers to logically inject some sex whenever it strikes them.

The movie rumbles along after a few promising opening scenes - the "subjects" all escape and zany adventures ensue.  There's some blood - some sex but mostly there's just ridiculous dialogue - though I did think the guy who played the doctor (John Evans) was pretty talented.  Sadly he never worked again after this film.  I'd cast him. 
I read some pin head on IMDB writing "What happened to Michael Madsen?  He used to be good!"  Madsen is still good.  He's good in this - but this is not good.  You can't make chicken soup from chicken shit.  Madsen's character was not clearly defined.  You could see the writers/director/Madsen wanted him to be morally ambiguous but when one of the gals loses her nut because some idiot calls her a whore and a slut, Madsen simply shoots the girl.  What?  It made no sense and any hope staying in the movie was gone.
Suddenly the film was over - and I mean suddenly.  There's a final ridiculous attempt at a twist and mercifully it's over.
When I started this blog it was never my intention to be mean spirited.  I didn't want to be one of those guys on the internet who sits in his little dark room feeling superior and throws stones at everything he sees.  I have great respect for ANYONE who can get a movie made in this environment.  I directed my first feature last year and I know it can and will be shredded by many.  But this film just didn't do anything for me.  It wasn't even bad enough to be good.
Oh well.
1.5 Bloody Eyes out of 5

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